I Secretly Wish I Were A Captive.

Hello world!! And a special greeting to all the Americans: Happy Thanksgiving!! I timed this post just so that I could say that. Maybe later I'll tell a Thanksgiving joke. This post is going to take a really long time! I keep turning around to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the flat screen! I don't want to miss all the pretty floats!! Ooh, it's a commercial, I better write the next paragraph.

So, about 19 minutes into this morning, I finished this book called Captives by Jill Williamson. Break time, it's back on! This is book one of what I think is either a series or a trilogy...Series, it's a series. So far, this is the only published one in the Safe Lands series, so it might be a while before the next one. Or perhaps not that long at all. Anyways, I'll bet you want an Amazon link, now, don't you?

Summaryish: This book is all about, not just one person, but a whole village of people! It's not a very big village, so don't worry about keeping up with everybody. In a future world, where there are these places called Safe Lands where people live and let die... I mean, live and let liberate. Anyways, everyone inside the Safe Lands has this plague. It's not very bad, you just get really flakey skin and you can't have kids. That's why the Safe Landers decide to go kidnap the people in the village I was talking about earlier and turn them into unwilling plague-free surrogates. Yup.

Review: This book was okay. I enjoyed reading it, it was a nice story and everything, but something was definitely not right about it. I think it had something to do with the verbs. I really liked watching this book, but I feel like it could be a lot faster. And sometimes the conversation just didn't seem natural. But, I have a lot of good things to say about this novel too! I liked the way it was sometimes just life mixed in with all the stuff that was going on. I normally like bang-pow action, but in this case, the action wasn't really explosions, but revelations and suspenseful moments of "Oh snap! Not Shaylinn!" and that was kind of nice. I also liked the way it had these little sprinkles of humor nicely spaced throughout the whole thing. So, if I had to rate it on a scale of one to ten, I'll give this book a solid five and three quarters.

Words to the Characters:

Mason: Oh my goodness! How are you ever going to find it!!! Ah!

Ciddah: I hope I'm pronouncing your name correctly. In other news, I so knew it!!!!

That's all. Wow, this post took a super long time. Two minutes commercial breaks really aren't en-ooops1 Gotta go!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I Kind Of Like Being One Piece, But Thanks Anyway.

Hello world!! I've been bad again! Was I supposed to review this yesterday, or the day before? I can never remember these things! Life is just so busy. But, I do remember that last time I ended with a suspense giving sentence, so I'm going to end this paragraph here, because I think you've been in suspense long enough.

So, who knows how long ago I finished this book called Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi. This book is, thankfully, part of a trilogy, with two companion novellas. This is the first book in the trilogy! And you can count on the next book in the series being review very very soon. In fact, I'm listing it now. Sad news: The third one doesn't come out until February of 2014!!! That's a long time away. Boo. Okay, Amazon link. 

Summaryish: I feel like I skipping something. Did I forget a paragraph?  I don't think so. But this just feels too short so far. Oh well, I'll just keep typing. So this book is all about a girl. Sadly, whenever she touches someone, bad stuff happens. Like, painful stuff. So, naturally, no one touches her. Until someone does. And then this big huge brouhaha occurs because there's just so many people madly in love with her, and so many more other people who hate her. Oh, and there's this other guy (which group does he belong to? Oooo) who wants to use her abilities to keep the whole world in check, because in this destroyed future, things tend to go wrong. That was a really bad summaryish, but it's been, like, a week. Slack please?

Review: Whoa. Snap. From the first word, it was like someone had shoved a hot poker deep into my gut. Every following sentence only succeeded in twisting it down further until I was sure my innards were going to come out my ears. Thankfully, they didn't. But I will admit I checked. It was like, whoa. It was fast, and beautiful, and elegant, and actiony, and gorgeous, and everything you need in a good book. And the way things were scratched out and rewritten right in the book wowed me until I was all set and ready to plagiarize before I realized I don't like plagiarizing. All I can say is...Whoa.

Words to the Characters:

Juliette: You kind of change in this book, a lot. I get the whole "dynamic character" thing, but I think I liked you better when you still screamed. It was when you started stifling your screams that something was just...gone. Something I really missed.

Warner: Two things. The first thing: gross. The second thing: Warner is your first name right? I don't know if I missed something, or if everyone just calls you Warner because of the whole military thing. 

Adam: She's not going to disappear, you know.

Okay, that's all. It's just feels really short, but I like variations. Bye until next time.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.  

An Empty Jar Of Nutella Is Worse Than The Empty Suit.

Hello world!!!  Goshers, have I been slacking or what? It's been like, I don't even know how long since I finished this book! In fact, I have two books to review today, and they've been sitting on the shelf for who knows how long!! At least since Friday...Well, now that I have explained myself, I might as well review the book that has been awaiting my thoughts for so long.

So, a super long time ago I finished this book called Man in the Empty Suit by Sean Ferrell. I doubt it's serial, but I've recently lost all my confidence in announcing whether something is a series or not, so try not to believe me too deeply. Feel free to skim the surface of belief, it feels kind of good when people unquestioningly think I'm telling the truth, but don't allow yourself to drown in it. I'll tell you otherwise when I know otherwise, but that long-awaited exclamatory sentence may never come... I'm feeling very descriptive today. Anyways, Amazon link. 

Summaryish: Okay, time travel. Got that? It's pretty much the only thing remotely understandable in this book. So just take a deep breath, focus on those two words, and continue reading this paragraph. A time-traveler spends his time, well, traveling through time, but that can get pretty boring. So, every year he throws a party for himself on his birthday, where all his future selves, past selves, and his present self meet up for the same conversations every year. But, on his 39th birthday, something different happens. A woman shows up at the party - directly violating one of the rules of the convention - and a dead body appears. The dead body of himself age 40. So, it's up to the 39 year old to stop this death from happening so he can continue his life of time-traveling without being burdened by something like being murdered.

Review: Boy was this book fun!! Just thinking about it makes my head hurt just a little bit, but it was so great I don't even care. I can't say I understood all that was going on. I kept glancing at my ceiling trying to grasp the fact that this one guy was living in the present and all his other selves were living in the same present but are all totally different people and then they get all untethered so there are multiples, and the world doesn't explode at all. No, the universe remains intact, but my brain certainly had a few minor glitches. Ahh, the beauties of fiction. Snap, I'm out of root beer. Anyways, it takes a special kind of person to tackle this thrill ride. A patient one with at least a rudimentary grasp of quantum theory. I'm kidding, I have absolutely no knowledge of quantum theory outside of making paper möbius strips, and yet I still enjoyed this book, headaches and all. So, if you're willing to ignore the improbabilities of stopping your own nose from breaking a year after it happened, or you're in the mood to be confused, pick up this book...but be prepared not to put it down.

Words to the Characters:

Suit: I guess I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I will never know your name for certain.

Lily/Sara/Jessica/Whateveryournamesis: Ditto.

Okay, first post done...I might save the next one for tomorrow to allow the suspense to build. Trust me, this book deserves it.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I Seriously Thought This Would Be About Hippies.

Good evening world!! Wow, it's really late. But I don't have anything to do in the twenty minutes between now and bedtime, and I finished a book so I thought, you know, why not? I probably won't finish it tonight, though, and I'll have to do it tomorrow morning, so don't be surprised if you I don't post this until tomorrow...hmm, I guess that warning won't work if I actually don't post this until tomorrow...I'm really not as dumb as I sound sometimes, I promise. Okay, I lied. 

So, Earlier today (4:40 to be exact) I finished this book called Harmony by Project Itoh. Mr. Itoh is Japanese, which is really neat, and Project is his American name. I doubt I would be able to pronounce his Japanese name, which makes even more cool. Anyways, I highly doubt that this is a series. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say this isn't a series book. But I've been wrong twice before. This paragraph is getting long, and now I only have 13 minutes, so Amazon link! By the way, if you go to the Amazon link and look closely, you will discover that is says "Read L to R - Western Style." I think that's kind of cute.

Summaryish: Okay, 11 more minutes. Yes, it takes two minutes for me to get the Amazon link. Ah! I just realized I forgot to put it in there...Okay, 10 more minutes. This book is about three girls in a perfect health-driven society. Being teenagers, they decide to rebel. And the only way to do that in a health-driven society is to try to die. So they decide to starve themselves...They do not succeed in dying, and 13 years later big changes are coming to the world they live in. Really big changes. I'm talking about...oh I can't tell you.

Review. 8 minutes, phew, I don't know if I can do it. Wow, that summary only took me two minutes. Anyways. There is only one word t odescribe this book: Mind-numbing. Talk about blah blah blah!! I am one of those people who believe that no story is a bad story, and if it just doesn't work for me, it needs either a different author or a different reader. You might be that diferent reader for whom this story works, but I'm just warning you; This book is very slow even though it's only 252 pages, the tone is way too laid back, though that fits the narrator who "doesn't care about the world" it just makes the story drag along. BUT!! I was impressed by the interesting use of HTML formatting. Excuse me, ETML formatting. It's not Hyper-Text Markup Language, it's Emotion-to-Text Markup Language. Plus, the characters were nicely defined and there were only a few bad words - both pluses in my book. But, my book would never be that slow, just saying.  **It's the next day now**

Words to the Characters:

Tuan: Hello there!! (I couldn't think of anything to say.)

Miach: You creep me out just a little. Maybe if you'd stop obsessing about death, I'd like you better. 

Okay, that  post took two days! How fun!! Hmm..Catch phrase...yeah, I've got nothing. That was bad grammar. I have nothing.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I Think Proxy Is Fun To Say. Proxy Proxy Proxy.

Hey world! Wow, when did I last post? Yesterday? The day before? I can't even remember!! I think it was yesterday, but I will never be certain. Unless I check. Okay, now it's just too suspenseful....yeah, it was yesterday. Aw, man, now I don't have a mystery!! Well, I guess there's always I Am Number Four to puzzle over. That series really is killing me. To get my mind of that, how about we talk about the book?

So, ten minutes ago I finished this book called Proxy by Alex London. Who, coincidentally, isn't from London. Very disappointing, but everyone is entitled to have their own hometown.  As far as I know, this is not a series, but I was wrong about The House of the Scorpion. Did I tell you about that? Well, it's been listed so it will appear soon, and I can tell you about it then. Uhhh...embarrassing moment, but it says right on the side of Mr. London's website that Proxy does have a sequel. It's not due out until May, though, so we'll have to wait. Okay, Amazon link time. 

Summaryish: This book is all about a guy named Knox and his proxy Syd. A proxy? What now? In this futuristic society, just being alive is enough to put you into 18 years of debt...at least for the poor people. The only way to pay off their debts is to be a proxy for the wealthy patrons, taking their punishments when they get into trouble. So when Knox gets into some big trouble, Syd decides he can't take it anymore, and he runs away. Somehow - I'm not telling how, so don't even ask - they meet up and escape the city together. The only way to stay alive is to bring down the society they've known their entire lives...Something privileged Knox might not want to do.

Review: This book was great, I really liked the story and the way things kept happening without talking about them happening, or any breaks between the events. I love books like that!! But what was really unique about this book was that it wasn't just one big adrenaline rush, it also had some meaning and friendship thrown in for fun. It was nicely balanced and super terrific. Some parts I didn't like though, they were a little weird, but I decided to just ignore those parts and just keep on reading the story. I'm looking forward to the sequel, but not as much as, say, the next Pendragon book (which is already out, and I don't even have to wait for it...draw your own conclusions from that.) And that's all I have to say about that.

Words to the Characters:

Knox: You did the right thing. But I totally saw it coming.

Marie: I find it odd that in the sixteen years of your life, you only did one thing to help the Cause. If you were really as committed as you say, why didn't you go out and join it?

Syd: I'm trying to figure out what book your name comes from...Thank you Google! A Tale OF Two Cities, sounds fun.

Okay, post = over. Reading = definitely not. The day is still young, even though the sun is already setting. There's plenty of time to read another book. Bye!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer. 

Bellhops Are The New Travelers.

Hello world!! I finished another book! And I'm back again to review it! That was pretty self-explanatory, though, since I wouldn't be blogging if I hadn't finished another book. But it's always nice to get my introductory paragraph at least a little longer. Oh!! I made a wordle, it's over to the right and down a bit if you want to see it. It's a little small though. Anyways, book.

So, I just finished this book called The Never War by DJ MacHale, book three of ten in the Pendragon series. I reviewed the last book in this series here. From there, you can find the first book in the series. The only other thing I can think of to add to this paragraph is the Amazon link. But where did I put it? OooOOOoo! Mystery!

Summaryish: Okay, Bobby Pendragon has been through some pretty interesting stuff in the past year, but this adventure may be the most interesting yet, because he's going to First Earth. Which, by the way, is 1937. Like usual, he and Spader and the Traveler from First Earth are in charge of guarding the turning point to make it go in the right direction. But with Saint Dane's location a mystery, how will they find the turning point? And once they do, how will they know what to do with it? This turning point isn't clear like it was on Cloral and Denduron...And that opaqueness could prove to be way more dangerous than they thought.

Review: I need the next book now. It's not a want, it's a full blown need. As in, I need food and water and the next book to survive. This book was super intense and suspenseful and so gosh-darn AMAZING that even a person who absolutely hates science fiction and all things involving reading could read this book and enjoy it. I'm not even exaggerating. I gasped, gaped, chewed my finger nails, bit my lip until it bled, and read during breakfast and lunch (Which I don't always do, because I like to focus on the wonders occurring in my mouth when eating). I had to stop myself from skipping some paragraphs to look down at others and then going back up to what I missed before I turned the page. Okay, I didn't stop myself, but I generally do that with all books. I'm kind of a backwards reader. Anyways, if you loved the first two books in this series, you will marry this book. I can't wait for the next one!

Words to the Characters:

Bobby: Well, duh, the series is named after you after all!

Spader: Don't be mad at Bobby, I think he did the right thing. You know it, too.

Gunny: I'm kind of happy you can't pick up a gun, it's nice.

Alrighty, that's all for today. Let's try out a new catch phrase...Shut down your computer and get to reading!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I'm Just Waiting For My Legacies.

Hey world!! It's me again! I was just looking at my "To Read" list, and noticed it was getting a little short. You know, I think it would be kind of nice of you if you commented some good books. As a reward for that, I'll even review them! I'll even put your screen name in the title and you can be as famous as me! (Which isn't very famous, but I do have three regular readers based on the poll. Hello regular readers!) Anyways, I think it's about time for the next paragraph. And...pressing the enter key!!

So, I just finished this book called The Fall of Five by Pittacus Lore. It's book four of the I Am Number Four series, but sadly, I read all the other books BB so no links to previous reviews. I did however review a collection of three short stories that go with this series, so you can go here to look at that if you would like. I just can't wait for the next book in this series! I'm going to have to raid the library for the other short story collection because I am sooo ready for some more of this action. Checking the library website....AAHHHH!!! THEY DON'T HAVE IT!!!!! RAR!!

Summaryish: I don't think there is a lot I can say about this book without giving away the epic plot twists and woooowwww moments. But I can give you a series overview. So around maybe 11 years ago aliens landed on our planet after four years traveling through space. The Loric, 18 of them: 9 Garde, and their Cêpans (or protectors). They've been in hiding for a really long time, running from the evil Mogadorians who want to kill them. But now, the time has come to fight back. They've been training for a long time, and whether they're ready or not, they can't put the battle to protect Earth and return to Lorien any longer. Their Legacies (superpowers) are developing...and the leader of the Mogs is more desperate than ever. 

Review: I am very very mad right now. Why, oh why was this book only 355 pages? Oi, this is just like ending Artemis Fowl, but worse because these guys are aliens. Okay, it's not that bad, but pretty close. In the grieving process, I'm pretty sure I'm stuck in the "Anger" phase because, as I have said before, I'm about ready to threaten to push someone. (That's big for me, I'm a pacifist.) Rar. It's just that the next book did not suddenly apear in my hands the moment I finished this book. Setrakus Ra must be jamming my Legacy that makes books appear, or something. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm an adrenaline junkie; that's just me living in the thrill sequence. And, yeah, I get adrenaline rushes from books all the time, pretty much everyday actually, but I don't think I've been this breathless over a book in a while. I probably wouldn't have reviewed this if I weren't so excited about the

Words to the Characters:

Four: Six is for Sam, and don't you forget that.

Ella: Oh snap. What now? No way, it just can't be...it just can't. Deep breaths. We'll get through this.

Five: Rar. I've been raring a lot lately, maybe I should get that checked out.

Nine: Sheesh, man, why couldn't that tree have broken your jaw!!?

Eight: Nononononononononoooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! You're lying, it's just not true!!!

Marina: See, you do have a fighting Legacy.

Wow, that was a lot of characters to whom to speak, but I was excited about it. I guess the better the book the more characters for whom I have words. Still thinking about the catch phrases...how about happy reading?

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Yeah, It Definitely Does Not Matter What Faction I Would Get.

Hello world!! Notice anything different about me? If you don't, I just changed my color scheme! I got a manager, and she said that it would be a good idea to change it. A new look for the new year. And speaking of new years, my new manager also had an idea that will begin occurring in 2014!! Woohoo! I'm excited! I don't think I have any other announcements...But you can hang out in this paragraph for a while and enjoy the orange.

So, my Fantastic Aunt bought Allegiant by Veronica Roth for me as a surprise! I put off all my other library books for this, so now I'm probably going to have to renew them. But it was worth it. That's a topic for two paragraphs away, though. Anyways, this is book 3 in the Divergent trilogy, what I personally call the -gent trilogy. Bot now that one book ends in -iant, I guess that is no longer accurate. I reviewed the book before this here, and there should be a link to the first book from there. So now let's talk about the Amazon link. It might be here. It might be here. Or maybe it's over there...Perhaps it is nowhere.

Summaryish: WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT YET READ THE OTHER TWO BOOK IN THIS SERIES. In this, the final book in the trilogy, the factionless have taken over the city, headed by Evelyn Eaton. Or was it Johnson? I don't think last names are important at this point. Anyways, the only way to stop them is to follow the instructions in the Edith Prior video and abandon the city to see what is on the other side. So Tris, Tobias, Christina, Uriah, Peter, Cara, Caleb, and Tori do just that. I can't really say anything more without giving anything away!

Review: This book was pretty awesomazing!! I've been waiting, like, six months for this book, and it was definitely worth the wait. I would have had to wait longer, but my aunt is just so fantastic. Anyways, I do have a few negative comments though. For one, the tone seemed a little too mellow for the content, and the book probably would have been better if sentences like "Her hair is on her face, ruffling in the breeze of her breath." Were written more like "The hair covering her face ruffles in the breeze of her breath." The other one just seemed too passive. The other negative comment is that I noticed there was a lot of sitting down and talking about what we're going to do rather than doing what we're going to do. And while usually I like it when that happens, because it builds suspense, that was just a little too much suspense building until I actually lost the suspense and was like, "Yeah, and...?" But all the other parts of the book were just fantastic! Though one part was skipped, and several parts just skimmed, the story was fabulous and strong and the ending was just bang-pow this book is over. So is this paragraph.

Words to the Characters:

Tobias: Wow, that was a tough decision. But I must say, I am happy with the choice you ended up making. Or would that be giving? Hmm...

Tris: I like the way it all turned out in the end, I think you did the right thing. 

Okay, my manager suggested I come up with a catch phrase for my endings, but that is still on the fence, so I'll just see you next time!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Look Out -- It's A Big One!

Hello world!! After reading my title, you may be asking, "A big what? A big book? A big celebration? A big change?" Well, the answer is yes to all three of them. My blog anniversary was on Tuesday, and in a small post on that  day I said I would review a book no later than Friday...that was a typo, I meant to say Sunday, but my fingers got muddled. But you'll understand why soon enough. The big change is that after one year of having my picture in the "about me" thing you probably know nothing about because I'm pretty sure I removed it from the site three penguins, it is now pages 484-5 of War in Peace in honor of...

So, I just finished this book called War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, I can't remember who translated it from Russian to English because their names are all Russian-y and hard to pronounce. But they are great translators, they had nice little notes, historical index, and more! But as I was saying; you probably forgive me now for not posting in a long time, don't you? I mean, sheesh, that book is 1215 pages!! That's twice as long as anything I've ever attempted before! So in all fairness, I deserved all that extra time between posts and therefore you cannot blame me. Okay, Amazon link.

Summary: So this book is all about the Napoleonic wars in the early 18 hundreds and how they affected some wealthy families around that time period. Specifically, Prince Andrei, obviously a prince, Pierre, an illegitimate child, and Natasha, a young girl who slightly resembles a butterfly and with whom everyone seem to be in love. And then there's like, 60 pages of contemplating history and freedom and necessity and what power is that would probably fit better in the non-fiction isle, but sadly took up three hours I could have used enjoying the delightful tale of Nikolai in the war, but...wait, that's for the next paragraph.

Review: Some parts of this book was terribly boring and I found myself more interesting in my surrounding, which are completely uninteresting and haven't change in a while, than what I was reading. But, other parts, oh là là! Other parts were so utterly fabulous that I was yelling at the characters and sweating a little bit! Then  there was this third group of parts that were just like, "Uhhh...can we get back to Andrei, please?" because it was all philosophical and, while I really enjoyed the new stuff I learned about power and cause and effect, I really wanted to get back to the soirees and battles and don't-open-the-closet-doors. Okay, there were no don't-open-the-closet-doors but there were some pretty intense moments. 

Words to the Characters:

Natasha: I like you better when you are free and single and happy!

Pierre: You realize you were, like, 30 years old when she was a baby right? Gross.

Andrei: Remember what I said to Pierre, transcribe that here.

Nikolai: I understand your choice and all...but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Okay, glad that book is over. I am now an accomplished reader. And don't worry: You won't have to wait two weeks for the next post!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.