FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey world!! After this post, I'll be all caught up and you can officially forgive me! Woo! If you're a little late to this party and don't know what I'm talking about...That's probably a good thing because I don't want to turn you off of my blog. Anyways, I'm going to get started so that I can actually be caught up.

So, just recently I finished this book called A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. The neat thing is that it also had a bunch of other short stories in it written by Mr. Dickens, so I pretty much got a whole portfolio in one book! All the stories are Christmas themed, but none of them are written in a series. I'm trying to remember, and I think it was actually seven stories, two of which containing chapters. But you can verify that for yourself by using the Amazon link!

Summaryish: So, we all know the story of a Christmas Carol, it's all over the place with movies and spin-offs and even the Muppets got in on it. The other stories, though, I've decided to leave as a surprise to you. They're very short, and not all of them actually have plots. But I will tell you that The Haunted Man was my favorite.

Review: I must be honest; I was slightly bored with this. It was a great story, but every once in a while - Actually every while in a once is more like it - my short attention span was shattered and I observed my ceiling, looked around the room in which I was reading, took unnecessary breaks, wandered around through the pages, stared at the pictures probably longer than I should have...But then something fun happened and I would snap back to to story and be quite happy for a bit. I actually wasn't planning to get this book, it just happened when I couldn't find Great Expectations. I'm still going to read that book, but I have to say...the sleepy language of this book is probably going to make me put it off a library visit or two. And I also will admit that I already don't remember half of what I read.

Words to the Characters:

Mr. Redlaw: I told you not to do it...But then again, you probably couldn't hear me.

Mr William: Hee hee, you're funny, I like you!!

Okie dokie, I'm finally all caught up. I'll see you next time for some...wait for it...actually, you're going to have to wait until I post it! Oo, suspense!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Oi Veh, Yet Another One.

Hey world!! Just one more after this and I'll be all caught up! Woo! But after that, you must be warned that it may be awhile. Not because I'm going to get behind again, just because the book I'm reading now is a bit of a toughy. Anyways, so now it's time for phase three of four.

So, before I started the book I'm going to review next, I finished this book called Othello by the illustrious William Shakespeare. Plays are rarely ever series books, and this one certainly isn't. But what it is is a really awesome kind of Shakespeare that I like to read called No Fear Shakespeare. It has the original script on one page, and on the other page it has a 'today's' translation. It's really neat! So, if you want this version, just try clicking the Amazon link! If you don't like Amazon...Search it?

Summaryish; It's been a couple days, and I'm already lost in a different book, so this might not be my best summaryish. I also have this really terrible itch on my back and it's distracting me. So anyways, this play is all about this guy named Othello, who married (in-secret) this lady. There's also this guy, named Iago, who's kind of mean, and he gets upset because he doesn't get the job he wants so he decides to ruin Othello's life by making him all jealous by making it seem as if his new - and did I mention much younger? - wife is cheating on him. 

Review: This play was amazing! I really love all of Shakespeare's plays. They all seem so interconnected and super thought out. Plus, when you find a passage you really like, you can just memorize it, and be like, "Ha ha, I can quote Shakespeare!" (I personally like "As wicked dew as ever my mother brushed with raven's feathers from an unwholesome fen drop on you!" I just haven't found a place to say it yet. Plus, I doubt my mother is a witch who ever brushed poisoned swamp gunk with raven's feathers anywhere. Maybe I'll just stick with toads beetles bats.) Anyways, so all-in-all it's a great play, and I fully enjoyed myself!

Words to the Characters:

Othello: Someone's got a bad temper! Drink some relaxing tea, maybe.

Iago: You have an even worse temper than Othello! Goodness. Maybe y'all should get together for tea parties. 

Okay, one more left. Maybe later, I'm beginning to get hungry. Speaking of that word, did you know the only two words in the English language that end in -gry are hungry and angry? It's pretty interesting. 

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Aononymous Book Reviewer.

Oh, Look, Another One!

Hey world! For the second time in just a few minutes I am reviewing another book! Good for me! I feel no need to make this paragraph any longer. I guess we're just going to have a long series of short posts. 

So, maybe five or six days ago I finished reading Prisoner B-3087 by Alan Gratz. Fun fact: It's based off the true story of Jack Gruener. More on that later. So, considering this book ended in a place where it's pretty impossible to make a sequel, I'm going to bet that it's not a series. Oo, another fun-fact: Mr. Gratz it's a Trekkie! Or at least, I'm assuming so, considering he wrote a book about Starfleet Academy. Anyways, I'll bet your mentally telling me to hurry up and paste the Amazon link already, so I will!

Summaryish: Okay, so Jack Gruener was apparently once named Yanek, and he was ten when WWII started. Oh, and he's Jewish, so that's not really good news for him. This book basically follows him from one concentration camp to another (making a grand total of 10), and we also get to tag along on some Death Marches. So, yeah, it's a basic Holocaust book. (I don't color that word, it's depressing.)  

Review: I give this book an "Eh." Now I'll tell you why! The tone was great, the story was strong, and the characters were all fabulous. The only reason I didn't like it, well there's two reasons actually. One: There were not enough descriptions. I realize that all the camps probably looked alike, but I would like to know what these people looked like, or at least have some more detailed explanations about what was going on. It was one thing after another after another with seemingly no transitions and eventually it just got dull. The other thing is that it was really depressing. I expected that, of course, but still, maybe throwing in a little hope would have been nice?

Words to the Characters:

Yanek: I'm disappointed in you. I can't honestly say I wouldn't have done the same things, but sharing a crumb or two could save lives. Even if it shortened yours, it's hard to say it wouldn't have been worth it.

Natalie C. Sousa: If you're reading this, Ms. Sousa, I just wanted to tell you that I noticed and appreciated the hidden barbed wire on the back cover that you can only see if you hold it to the light in a special way. Nicely done.

Okay, another one bites the dust. My hands are tired. Is two enough for one day? I promise I'll try to come back again tomorrow!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

The First of Many.

Hey world! Not only have I been bad, I've been terrible. It's been ages since the last time I blogged!! In fact, I now have FOUR books in need of reviewal. Naughty naughty me. But, hey, holidays are lazy times. I'm going to try to review them all today, but that might take a while and I'm not good at doing the same thing for a long time. Unless it's reading or doing a puzzle. So anyways, I might as well start now.

So, who knows how long ago I finished Emperor Mollusk versus the Sinister Brain by A. Lee Martinez. A little warning, this guy's website isn't the best, so try not clicking on it unless you absolutely have to. Anyways. I don't think it's a series book, but it was semi set up for one. I doubt we'll ever know though, because Mr. Martinez's website isn't all that great. In fact, the book I'm talking about isn't even featured! What? He updates his blog more than I update mine, though, so I'll give him that. A very nice website, however, is Amazon! 

Summaryish: Imagine a tiny octopus, now give him an impossible intelligent brain and a metal human-like body. Now you've got Emperor Mollusk, retired warlord of Earth. But, retired or not, this guy has a lot of enemies probably because he uses his brain for evil. But now, a lot of those enemies are after him. Or maybe, it's an entirely new enemy leading him on a wild-goose chase across "Terra." Either way, the world Mollusk has become attached to is in terrible danger, and only he can stop it.

Review: This book was really funny! The story was nice, too, but I will admit I was only reading for the laughs. I wasn't really attached to this story, and it didn't give me thrills or make my heart beat like crazy or anything. For me, it was just a cute little story about an alien. I wouldn't give it any awards, but I also don't want to give you the idea that this wasn't a fun book. It was hilarious the way mortal enemies were wishing each other nice days and Mollusk was trying hard "not to vaporize people just for being annoying." It was a good book, I really liked it, but it wasn't something I'll remember for very long. I probably will remember the laughs and maybe the title, but I certainly won't recall the already-fading plot. So, if you've been reading some very deep allegories and stuff lately, this will be a great break from all that!

Words to the Characters:

Zala: Whenever I heard your name, I was thinking "Zula." As in, the Zula of a few books ago.

Mollusk: I like how, while you're the bad guy, your not such a bad guy.

Okay, one down, three to go.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I'm F-f-finally R-r-reviewing Th-th-this.

Hey world! I have made, like six dozen cookies. Surprisingly, though, I only burnt my finger once, right on the tip. That is making typing rather uncomfortable, but I am a selfless lazy book glutton, and I will march through three miles of snow coat-less and then dive into a volcano just to bring you books to read. Maybe I'm not such a lazy book glutton after all. Oh, and yesterday I said I had two books to review, and reviewed one of them...I still have two books to review. I wonder how long I can keep this trend going...

So, I don't remember when I finished reading Frozen by Melissa De La Cruz and Michael Johnston, book one of the Heart of Dread series...trilogy? I don't know. Either way, it's book one. Don't expect book two anytime soon, though, this book just came out in November. I'll bet you're just dying for Amazon link! So here it is! 

Summaryish: In a future world, where ice and snow cover pretty much the whole planet, people are being born Marked, with special abilities. Nat is marked, and she's been hiding it for a while. She finally decided that enough is enough and sets out to find the mythical realm of the Blue, a place rumored to be warm and perfect. But she's different than all the other pilgrims. She has a map to get there! But will she make it before it's too late? What if the military gets there first!!! That was a really bad summary. I'm sorry.

Review: So, Mel, as I believe she likes to be called, is supposed to be a New York Times bestseller, but frankly, I wasn't impressed. The story was fresh and exciting, but there was a lot of cliché stuff going on. Every pages I would scoff to myself and think, "Yeah, didn't see that coming." But of course, I did see it coming. But, confusingly enough, it wasn't a bad book. It was perfectly fine. Everything was done correctly; nice active verbs, the characters weren't stiff, and the tone was fabulous. But for some reason, things just didn't engage for me. Until around the end, where things picked up, and I started enjoying myself even more. Don't misunderstand me; the book was great, it's just that something was off. It was missing a little pinache. Hopefully, that will get straightened out by the next book.

Words to the Characters:

Nat: No fair, I want one!!! P.S. I think I like your other name better.

Wes: So, that's it? You just turn around and walk away? Goshers.

That's all. It's almost Christmas, and I haven't purchased anything yet, so I'm going shopping now. No second post today! But maybe we'll have it tomorrow...along with another new book...hmmm...

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Lifelight Is The New Imagination.

Hey world! It's me again. If your wondering why it took a few days, when in my last post said it would probably be tomorrow...It's because I'm a lazy book glutton. But the good news is I now have two books to review. The bad news is, you probably won't get them both today because, as aforementioned, I'm a lazy book glutton who has to make cookies. Well, enough lolly gagging in the first paragraph, let's skip on over to the next paragraph.

So, I just finished this book called The Reality Bug by D.J. MacHale. As you probably know, it is book four of tenish in the Pendragon series. And boy are things heating up...Geez! But that's something for paragraph number three. This paragraph is only talking about the book, and of course giving out the Amazon link. If you click on that link, you can get a sneak peak into the audio book, to which I am currently listening! It has some nice voices. The weird thing about this book, though, is that I think the first chapter is actually the last chapter of the previous book. But I might have just read the sneak peak. I don't think so, though, because I never do that.

Summaryish: Bobby's forth adventure takes him to the technologically advanced world of Veelox. In the territory, everyone is totally obsessed with living out their fantasies in a system called Lifelight. As a result, the real physical world of Veelox is tumbling into disarray. In an effort to fix this, the Traveler from Veelox, Aja, created a bug that was designed to make the fantasies less than perfect. But things spiral out of control when they realize that the bug is a lot more powerful than they had thought, thanks to Saint Dane. It is now feeding off of the fears of the people and plaguing them with their worst nightmares.

Review: This book was simply fabulous! I feel like with every new book in this series, it's just getting more and more awesome. I'm very happy with the way this series is turning out. I thought this book was going to be predictable and cliché, but it wasn't. It was totally different from the other books in the series and any book I've read before. That I can remember at least. It's gabber-flasting the way this series has developed since the first book so long ago, and I'm super excited to see how it's going to turn out. I'm just going to tell you one thing: Don't pick up this action-packed thrill ride of suspense and intrigue if you're not willing to commit yourself to the series. Trust me, you won't be able to stop once you start. I must say one negative thing, though, there were a few places the dragged, but that was more than made up for in the spots so jam-packed I had to take a break to stare at my ceiling and process all that I was reading!

Words to the Characters:

Aja: It's all good, Aja, nobody's perfect. 

Bobby: I want to come...Hey!! I actually might be able to now!

Gunny: Why, Gunny, why!?

Okay, that's all. Until next time, readers, which may or may not be today.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

No! Read ME!!

Hey world! I'm back again for another round of brainwashing you! I mean, giving you my humble opinions. This, my dearest readers, is the post you've all been waiting for. The second book ever reviewed on this blog with over a thousand pages! The one, the only...

So, I just finished this book called Reamde by Neal Stephenson. If you look closely, you may notice that that strange word looks startlingly similar to a typo of the words "Read Me" which it in fact is. But, it's actually a big joke. Not the title, the title actually is Reamde it's a joke within the book. Don't believe me? Check Amazon for yourself! 

Summaryish: Wow, summarizing 1,042 pages in a couple sentences...wish me luck...Okay, so when a video game company is infected with a computer virus that takes computer files for ransom, the ransom to be paid in gold pieces within the game itself, the gold pieces can then be laundered into real money if you're wondering why that sounds so weird. But, like in all good books, the plot doesn't stop there. The owner of the corporation soon becomes embroiled in a duel involving Russian gangsters and terrorists! That's about all I can say.

Review: Oh my goodness! This book was so amazing, I can't even tell you. If there weren't so many bad words, I would have Wow. Just Wowed this book. But, sadly, those bad words were there, and that bothered me, and therefore this book does not get the elusive and sought-after title that only four books out of one-hundred-forty-something have had the honor of attaining. But hey, win some lose some. Back to the book. I was so lost in these pages, I seriously looked up from the enthralling words once or twice wondering where I was. The job of official holiday-cookie-baker was completely ignored while I was reading this. And yet, night after night after night I was forced to wait for 17-30 minutes for bedtime to finally arrive late! I actually brought the book downstairs, sat on the heater, and read this book while awaiting the nighttime rituals. All those moments lost to something other than reading the book were moments wasted in my opinion. I didn't want it to end, and when I came into the final 50, I slowed down dramatically just so it could last a few minutes longer...Needless to say, I highly recommend this book.

Words to the Characters:

Zula: You are smart and resourceful! Placed in your situation, I would be a lot worse off. Thank you for teaching me how to survive a kidnapping. The information will probably come in handy.

Olivia: The coincidence is freaking me out a little bit.

Sokolov: What are the odds of having an ex-military murderer who is also a gentlemen? 

Okay, that's it. I'm over halfway done with the next book, so I promise you won't have to wait as long! Bye!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

When Did This Book Sneak Into My Schedule?

Hey world!! I was just thinking about what it would be like to be a rubber duckie, then thought to myself, "Self, you just seriously thought about what it would be like to be a rubber duckie." Then I realized I wasn't thinking that, I was saying that, and thus talking to myself. So I decided I better blog or something before causing some serious damage to myself and others, and having to go back to that dreaded padded room writhing my arms through the heavy canvas of a strait jacket!

So, I ashamed to admit that over a week ago, I finished this book called Nectar in a Sieve by Kamala Markandaya. In my last post, I'm pretty sure I mentioned that the book I was reading next was over a thousand pages...this is not that book. This is just a little less-than-200-page travel book that accidentally slipped into my pile somewhere between pages 100 and 200 of the book I reviewed before this one, and was finished around page 270 of the book I'm reading now. Don't ask me how this non-series appeared in my pile when I did not check it out o f the library, because I don't know. You may, however, ask me where the Amazon link is, a question which I will happily answer, here.  

Summaryish: This is the tragic and slightly depressing tale of an Indian lady, married off when she was like, 12, and  then had a bunch of kids. A tannery moved into her town, changed everything, monsoon, drought, and a lot of other depressing things I choose not to mention, because I'm currently enjoying a good mood. 

Review: I'm having mixed feelings about this book. While it was a good story, it wasn't exactly riveting. It had a lot of action, but also a lot of down time. There was some fun stuff going on, but way more depressing stuff. Usually, the depressing stuff is the best part because the plot thickens, and who doesn't love that? But in this book, the depressing stuff was just....depressing. Also, I talked to some people who had also read the book, and they kept saying how they hate the ending, but I feel like the book ended the way it had to. It just wouldn't work if it ended any other way. But, if you want to know whether to read this or not, I'll tell you this: Read it if you are willing to put up with all the sadness and misery, but don't if you quite enjoy being in a happy mood. If you like survival stories, this book is definitely for you! But if you like it when aliens attack...Let's just say I asked someone when the aliens attacked, and she said, "Chapter 35." And I was like, "There are only 30 chapters!!!" So yeah. That's it.

Words to the Characters:

Ruku: I'm wondering why you seem to kind of ignore your kids, except for Ira, whom you seemed to favor, if not at the beginning, at least after that. 

Nathan: I like how you are the voice of reason!!

Okay, that's it. I'm a little over 3/5 of the way done with my over-a-thousand-pager! Bye!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer. 

I Like Tri Much Better.

Hey world! Wait, I'm going to turn a light on. Okay, my world is now illuminated. I have a confession to make. I haven't read very much today. I know, I know, I'm a despicable human being, but I was watching non-human beings crash star ships into each other. Yeah, I had a Star Trek marathon...But I promise I'm going to read more tonight. In the meantime, I have a book to review!

So, I recently finished this book called Quad by C.G. Watson. She's supposed to have a website, but for some reason I just can't seem to find it, so I'm just going to have to guess about the series thing, and my guess is no. As in, it's not a series. There are two things about which I don't have to guess, though. One is the Amazon link, the other is that Shinzon gets way creepier at the end of the movie. (That was a Star Trek reference - I'm still reeling from my marathon.) 

Summaryish: When gunshots are heard around a school that's name I can't pronounce, six kids from six different cliques run to the student store for protection. Oddly enough, each student in the store seems to be connected in one way or another to potential suspects, and they decide to spend their moments of terror yelling at each other about who it is while we, the readers, venture into the past, not Into Darkness. (Another Star Trek reference!!) One by one, suspects are eliminated, which leaves us with the shooter. 

Review: I give this book a solid "eh." It was a nice story, but I didn't necessarily have fun reading it. I figured out whodunnit way before the last two pages where the answer is revealed, and the only reason I kept reading was to make certain that I was correct, (which I was.) I will admit, though, the only reason I knew is that I may have read the last line of the book (which had no mention of the killer at all, I might add.) when I was checking the page count and connected that to something one of the characters said earlier. So if I hadn't done that, I would have probably been more interested, but definitely not riveted. Along with the incessant swearing, there were other things in the novel that made me uncomfortable. But the book did make me happy that I didn't go to public school! SNAP! I keep giving things about my identity away. But I will never give away anything about a book, you can believe me on that one!!  

Words to the Characters:

Ranger: Thank you for the clarification.

Stone: I just don't like you, so I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

Okay, that review is over. It might be a while until my next review, because after just 9 or 10 books after War and Peace, I'm back to the over 1,000 page books!!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx

Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I Secretly Wish I Were A Captive.

Hello world!! And a special greeting to all the Americans: Happy Thanksgiving!! I timed this post just so that I could say that. Maybe later I'll tell a Thanksgiving joke. This post is going to take a really long time! I keep turning around to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on the flat screen! I don't want to miss all the pretty floats!! Ooh, it's a commercial, I better write the next paragraph.

So, about 19 minutes into this morning, I finished this book called Captives by Jill Williamson. Break time, it's back on! This is book one of what I think is either a series or a trilogy...Series, it's a series. So far, this is the only published one in the Safe Lands series, so it might be a while before the next one. Or perhaps not that long at all. Anyways, I'll bet you want an Amazon link, now, don't you?

Summaryish: This book is all about, not just one person, but a whole village of people! It's not a very big village, so don't worry about keeping up with everybody. In a future world, where there are these places called Safe Lands where people live and let die... I mean, live and let liberate. Anyways, everyone inside the Safe Lands has this plague. It's not very bad, you just get really flakey skin and you can't have kids. That's why the Safe Landers decide to go kidnap the people in the village I was talking about earlier and turn them into unwilling plague-free surrogates. Yup.

Review: This book was okay. I enjoyed reading it, it was a nice story and everything, but something was definitely not right about it. I think it had something to do with the verbs. I really liked watching this book, but I feel like it could be a lot faster. And sometimes the conversation just didn't seem natural. But, I have a lot of good things to say about this novel too! I liked the way it was sometimes just life mixed in with all the stuff that was going on. I normally like bang-pow action, but in this case, the action wasn't really explosions, but revelations and suspenseful moments of "Oh snap! Not Shaylinn!" and that was kind of nice. I also liked the way it had these little sprinkles of humor nicely spaced throughout the whole thing. So, if I had to rate it on a scale of one to ten, I'll give this book a solid five and three quarters.

Words to the Characters:

Mason: Oh my goodness! How are you ever going to find it!!! Ah!

Ciddah: I hope I'm pronouncing your name correctly. In other news, I so knew it!!!!

That's all. Wow, this post took a super long time. Two minutes commercial breaks really aren't en-ooops1 Gotta go!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I Kind Of Like Being One Piece, But Thanks Anyway.

Hello world!! I've been bad again! Was I supposed to review this yesterday, or the day before? I can never remember these things! Life is just so busy. But, I do remember that last time I ended with a suspense giving sentence, so I'm going to end this paragraph here, because I think you've been in suspense long enough.

So, who knows how long ago I finished this book called Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi. This book is, thankfully, part of a trilogy, with two companion novellas. This is the first book in the trilogy! And you can count on the next book in the series being review very very soon. In fact, I'm listing it now. Sad news: The third one doesn't come out until February of 2014!!! That's a long time away. Boo. Okay, Amazon link. 

Summaryish: I feel like I skipping something. Did I forget a paragraph?  I don't think so. But this just feels too short so far. Oh well, I'll just keep typing. So this book is all about a girl. Sadly, whenever she touches someone, bad stuff happens. Like, painful stuff. So, naturally, no one touches her. Until someone does. And then this big huge brouhaha occurs because there's just so many people madly in love with her, and so many more other people who hate her. Oh, and there's this other guy (which group does he belong to? Oooo) who wants to use her abilities to keep the whole world in check, because in this destroyed future, things tend to go wrong. That was a really bad summaryish, but it's been, like, a week. Slack please?

Review: Whoa. Snap. From the first word, it was like someone had shoved a hot poker deep into my gut. Every following sentence only succeeded in twisting it down further until I was sure my innards were going to come out my ears. Thankfully, they didn't. But I will admit I checked. It was like, whoa. It was fast, and beautiful, and elegant, and actiony, and gorgeous, and everything you need in a good book. And the way things were scratched out and rewritten right in the book wowed me until I was all set and ready to plagiarize before I realized I don't like plagiarizing. All I can say is...Whoa.

Words to the Characters:

Juliette: You kind of change in this book, a lot. I get the whole "dynamic character" thing, but I think I liked you better when you still screamed. It was when you started stifling your screams that something was just...gone. Something I really missed.

Warner: Two things. The first thing: gross. The second thing: Warner is your first name right? I don't know if I missed something, or if everyone just calls you Warner because of the whole military thing. 

Adam: She's not going to disappear, you know.

Okay, that's all. It's just feels really short, but I like variations. Bye until next time.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.  

An Empty Jar Of Nutella Is Worse Than The Empty Suit.

Hello world!!!  Goshers, have I been slacking or what? It's been like, I don't even know how long since I finished this book! In fact, I have two books to review today, and they've been sitting on the shelf for who knows how long!! At least since Friday...Well, now that I have explained myself, I might as well review the book that has been awaiting my thoughts for so long.

So, a super long time ago I finished this book called Man in the Empty Suit by Sean Ferrell. I doubt it's serial, but I've recently lost all my confidence in announcing whether something is a series or not, so try not to believe me too deeply. Feel free to skim the surface of belief, it feels kind of good when people unquestioningly think I'm telling the truth, but don't allow yourself to drown in it. I'll tell you otherwise when I know otherwise, but that long-awaited exclamatory sentence may never come... I'm feeling very descriptive today. Anyways, Amazon link. 

Summaryish: Okay, time travel. Got that? It's pretty much the only thing remotely understandable in this book. So just take a deep breath, focus on those two words, and continue reading this paragraph. A time-traveler spends his time, well, traveling through time, but that can get pretty boring. So, every year he throws a party for himself on his birthday, where all his future selves, past selves, and his present self meet up for the same conversations every year. But, on his 39th birthday, something different happens. A woman shows up at the party - directly violating one of the rules of the convention - and a dead body appears. The dead body of himself age 40. So, it's up to the 39 year old to stop this death from happening so he can continue his life of time-traveling without being burdened by something like being murdered.

Review: Boy was this book fun!! Just thinking about it makes my head hurt just a little bit, but it was so great I don't even care. I can't say I understood all that was going on. I kept glancing at my ceiling trying to grasp the fact that this one guy was living in the present and all his other selves were living in the same present but are all totally different people and then they get all untethered so there are multiples, and the world doesn't explode at all. No, the universe remains intact, but my brain certainly had a few minor glitches. Ahh, the beauties of fiction. Snap, I'm out of root beer. Anyways, it takes a special kind of person to tackle this thrill ride. A patient one with at least a rudimentary grasp of quantum theory. I'm kidding, I have absolutely no knowledge of quantum theory outside of making paper möbius strips, and yet I still enjoyed this book, headaches and all. So, if you're willing to ignore the improbabilities of stopping your own nose from breaking a year after it happened, or you're in the mood to be confused, pick up this book...but be prepared not to put it down.

Words to the Characters:

Suit: I guess I'm just going to have to accept the fact that I will never know your name for certain.

Lily/Sara/Jessica/Whateveryournamesis: Ditto.

Okay, first post done...I might save the next one for tomorrow to allow the suspense to build. Trust me, this book deserves it.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I Seriously Thought This Would Be About Hippies.

Good evening world!! Wow, it's really late. But I don't have anything to do in the twenty minutes between now and bedtime, and I finished a book so I thought, you know, why not? I probably won't finish it tonight, though, and I'll have to do it tomorrow morning, so don't be surprised if you I don't post this until tomorrow...hmm, I guess that warning won't work if I actually don't post this until tomorrow...I'm really not as dumb as I sound sometimes, I promise. Okay, I lied. 

So, Earlier today (4:40 to be exact) I finished this book called Harmony by Project Itoh. Mr. Itoh is Japanese, which is really neat, and Project is his American name. I doubt I would be able to pronounce his Japanese name, which makes even more cool. Anyways, I highly doubt that this is a series. In fact, I'd even go as far as to say this isn't a series book. But I've been wrong twice before. This paragraph is getting long, and now I only have 13 minutes, so Amazon link! By the way, if you go to the Amazon link and look closely, you will discover that is says "Read L to R - Western Style." I think that's kind of cute.

Summaryish: Okay, 11 more minutes. Yes, it takes two minutes for me to get the Amazon link. Ah! I just realized I forgot to put it in there...Okay, 10 more minutes. This book is about three girls in a perfect health-driven society. Being teenagers, they decide to rebel. And the only way to do that in a health-driven society is to try to die. So they decide to starve themselves...They do not succeed in dying, and 13 years later big changes are coming to the world they live in. Really big changes. I'm talking about...oh I can't tell you.

Review. 8 minutes, phew, I don't know if I can do it. Wow, that summary only took me two minutes. Anyways. There is only one word t odescribe this book: Mind-numbing. Talk about blah blah blah!! I am one of those people who believe that no story is a bad story, and if it just doesn't work for me, it needs either a different author or a different reader. You might be that diferent reader for whom this story works, but I'm just warning you; This book is very slow even though it's only 252 pages, the tone is way too laid back, though that fits the narrator who "doesn't care about the world" it just makes the story drag along. BUT!! I was impressed by the interesting use of HTML formatting. Excuse me, ETML formatting. It's not Hyper-Text Markup Language, it's Emotion-to-Text Markup Language. Plus, the characters were nicely defined and there were only a few bad words - both pluses in my book. But, my book would never be that slow, just saying.  **It's the next day now**

Words to the Characters:

Tuan: Hello there!! (I couldn't think of anything to say.)

Miach: You creep me out just a little. Maybe if you'd stop obsessing about death, I'd like you better. 

Okay, that  post took two days! How fun!! Hmm..Catch phrase...yeah, I've got nothing. That was bad grammar. I have nothing.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I Think Proxy Is Fun To Say. Proxy Proxy Proxy.

Hey world! Wow, when did I last post? Yesterday? The day before? I can't even remember!! I think it was yesterday, but I will never be certain. Unless I check. Okay, now it's just too suspenseful....yeah, it was yesterday. Aw, man, now I don't have a mystery!! Well, I guess there's always I Am Number Four to puzzle over. That series really is killing me. To get my mind of that, how about we talk about the book?

So, ten minutes ago I finished this book called Proxy by Alex London. Who, coincidentally, isn't from London. Very disappointing, but everyone is entitled to have their own hometown.  As far as I know, this is not a series, but I was wrong about The House of the Scorpion. Did I tell you about that? Well, it's been listed so it will appear soon, and I can tell you about it then. Uhhh...embarrassing moment, but it says right on the side of Mr. London's website that Proxy does have a sequel. It's not due out until May, though, so we'll have to wait. Okay, Amazon link time. 

Summaryish: This book is all about a guy named Knox and his proxy Syd. A proxy? What now? In this futuristic society, just being alive is enough to put you into 18 years of debt...at least for the poor people. The only way to pay off their debts is to be a proxy for the wealthy patrons, taking their punishments when they get into trouble. So when Knox gets into some big trouble, Syd decides he can't take it anymore, and he runs away. Somehow - I'm not telling how, so don't even ask - they meet up and escape the city together. The only way to stay alive is to bring down the society they've known their entire lives...Something privileged Knox might not want to do.

Review: This book was great, I really liked the story and the way things kept happening without talking about them happening, or any breaks between the events. I love books like that!! But what was really unique about this book was that it wasn't just one big adrenaline rush, it also had some meaning and friendship thrown in for fun. It was nicely balanced and super terrific. Some parts I didn't like though, they were a little weird, but I decided to just ignore those parts and just keep on reading the story. I'm looking forward to the sequel, but not as much as, say, the next Pendragon book (which is already out, and I don't even have to wait for it...draw your own conclusions from that.) And that's all I have to say about that.

Words to the Characters:

Knox: You did the right thing. But I totally saw it coming.

Marie: I find it odd that in the sixteen years of your life, you only did one thing to help the Cause. If you were really as committed as you say, why didn't you go out and join it?

Syd: I'm trying to figure out what book your name comes from...Thank you Google! A Tale OF Two Cities, sounds fun.

Okay, post = over. Reading = definitely not. The day is still young, even though the sun is already setting. There's plenty of time to read another book. Bye!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer. 

Bellhops Are The New Travelers.

Hello world!! I finished another book! And I'm back again to review it! That was pretty self-explanatory, though, since I wouldn't be blogging if I hadn't finished another book. But it's always nice to get my introductory paragraph at least a little longer. Oh!! I made a wordle, it's over to the right and down a bit if you want to see it. It's a little small though. Anyways, book.

So, I just finished this book called The Never War by DJ MacHale, book three of ten in the Pendragon series. I reviewed the last book in this series here. From there, you can find the first book in the series. The only other thing I can think of to add to this paragraph is the Amazon link. But where did I put it? OooOOOoo! Mystery!

Summaryish: Okay, Bobby Pendragon has been through some pretty interesting stuff in the past year, but this adventure may be the most interesting yet, because he's going to First Earth. Which, by the way, is 1937. Like usual, he and Spader and the Traveler from First Earth are in charge of guarding the turning point to make it go in the right direction. But with Saint Dane's location a mystery, how will they find the turning point? And once they do, how will they know what to do with it? This turning point isn't clear like it was on Cloral and Denduron...And that opaqueness could prove to be way more dangerous than they thought.

Review: I need the next book now. It's not a want, it's a full blown need. As in, I need food and water and the next book to survive. This book was super intense and suspenseful and so gosh-darn AMAZING that even a person who absolutely hates science fiction and all things involving reading could read this book and enjoy it. I'm not even exaggerating. I gasped, gaped, chewed my finger nails, bit my lip until it bled, and read during breakfast and lunch (Which I don't always do, because I like to focus on the wonders occurring in my mouth when eating). I had to stop myself from skipping some paragraphs to look down at others and then going back up to what I missed before I turned the page. Okay, I didn't stop myself, but I generally do that with all books. I'm kind of a backwards reader. Anyways, if you loved the first two books in this series, you will marry this book. I can't wait for the next one!

Words to the Characters:

Bobby: Well, duh, the series is named after you after all!

Spader: Don't be mad at Bobby, I think he did the right thing. You know it, too.

Gunny: I'm kind of happy you can't pick up a gun, it's nice.

Alrighty, that's all for today. Let's try out a new catch phrase...Shut down your computer and get to reading!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

I'm Just Waiting For My Legacies.

Hey world!! It's me again! I was just looking at my "To Read" list, and noticed it was getting a little short. You know, I think it would be kind of nice of you if you commented some good books. As a reward for that, I'll even review them! I'll even put your screen name in the title and you can be as famous as me! (Which isn't very famous, but I do have three regular readers based on the poll. Hello regular readers!) Anyways, I think it's about time for the next paragraph. And...pressing the enter key!!

So, I just finished this book called The Fall of Five by Pittacus Lore. It's book four of the I Am Number Four series, but sadly, I read all the other books BB so no links to previous reviews. I did however review a collection of three short stories that go with this series, so you can go here to look at that if you would like. I just can't wait for the next book in this series! I'm going to have to raid the library for the other short story collection because I am sooo ready for some more of this action. Checking the library website....AAHHHH!!! THEY DON'T HAVE IT!!!!! RAR!!

Summaryish: I don't think there is a lot I can say about this book without giving away the epic plot twists and woooowwww moments. But I can give you a series overview. So around maybe 11 years ago aliens landed on our planet after four years traveling through space. The Loric, 18 of them: 9 Garde, and their Cêpans (or protectors). They've been in hiding for a really long time, running from the evil Mogadorians who want to kill them. But now, the time has come to fight back. They've been training for a long time, and whether they're ready or not, they can't put the battle to protect Earth and return to Lorien any longer. Their Legacies (superpowers) are developing...and the leader of the Mogs is more desperate than ever. 

Review: I am very very mad right now. Why, oh why was this book only 355 pages? Oi, this is just like ending Artemis Fowl, but worse because these guys are aliens. Okay, it's not that bad, but pretty close. In the grieving process, I'm pretty sure I'm stuck in the "Anger" phase because, as I have said before, I'm about ready to threaten to push someone. (That's big for me, I'm a pacifist.) Rar. It's just that the next book did not suddenly apear in my hands the moment I finished this book. Setrakus Ra must be jamming my Legacy that makes books appear, or something. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm an adrenaline junkie; that's just me living in the thrill sequence. And, yeah, I get adrenaline rushes from books all the time, pretty much everyday actually, but I don't think I've been this breathless over a book in a while. I probably wouldn't have reviewed this if I weren't so excited about the

Words to the Characters:

Four: Six is for Sam, and don't you forget that.

Ella: Oh snap. What now? No way, it just can't be...it just can't. Deep breaths. We'll get through this.

Five: Rar. I've been raring a lot lately, maybe I should get that checked out.

Nine: Sheesh, man, why couldn't that tree have broken your jaw!!?

Eight: Nononononononononoooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!! You're lying, it's just not true!!!

Marina: See, you do have a fighting Legacy.

Wow, that was a lot of characters to whom to speak, but I was excited about it. I guess the better the book the more characters for whom I have words. Still thinking about the catch phrases...how about happy reading?

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Yeah, It Definitely Does Not Matter What Faction I Would Get.

Hello world!! Notice anything different about me? If you don't, I just changed my color scheme! I got a manager, and she said that it would be a good idea to change it. A new look for the new year. And speaking of new years, my new manager also had an idea that will begin occurring in 2014!! Woohoo! I'm excited! I don't think I have any other announcements...But you can hang out in this paragraph for a while and enjoy the orange.

So, my Fantastic Aunt bought Allegiant by Veronica Roth for me as a surprise! I put off all my other library books for this, so now I'm probably going to have to renew them. But it was worth it. That's a topic for two paragraphs away, though. Anyways, this is book 3 in the Divergent trilogy, what I personally call the -gent trilogy. Bot now that one book ends in -iant, I guess that is no longer accurate. I reviewed the book before this here, and there should be a link to the first book from there. So now let's talk about the Amazon link. It might be here. It might be here. Or maybe it's over there...Perhaps it is nowhere.

Summaryish: WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE NOT YET READ THE OTHER TWO BOOK IN THIS SERIES. In this, the final book in the trilogy, the factionless have taken over the city, headed by Evelyn Eaton. Or was it Johnson? I don't think last names are important at this point. Anyways, the only way to stop them is to follow the instructions in the Edith Prior video and abandon the city to see what is on the other side. So Tris, Tobias, Christina, Uriah, Peter, Cara, Caleb, and Tori do just that. I can't really say anything more without giving anything away!

Review: This book was pretty awesomazing!! I've been waiting, like, six months for this book, and it was definitely worth the wait. I would have had to wait longer, but my aunt is just so fantastic. Anyways, I do have a few negative comments though. For one, the tone seemed a little too mellow for the content, and the book probably would have been better if sentences like "Her hair is on her face, ruffling in the breeze of her breath." Were written more like "The hair covering her face ruffles in the breeze of her breath." The other one just seemed too passive. The other negative comment is that I noticed there was a lot of sitting down and talking about what we're going to do rather than doing what we're going to do. And while usually I like it when that happens, because it builds suspense, that was just a little too much suspense building until I actually lost the suspense and was like, "Yeah, and...?" But all the other parts of the book were just fantastic! Though one part was skipped, and several parts just skimmed, the story was fabulous and strong and the ending was just bang-pow this book is over. So is this paragraph.

Words to the Characters:

Tobias: Wow, that was a tough decision. But I must say, I am happy with the choice you ended up making. Or would that be giving? Hmm...

Tris: I like the way it all turned out in the end, I think you did the right thing. 

Okay, my manager suggested I come up with a catch phrase for my endings, but that is still on the fence, so I'll just see you next time!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Look Out -- It's A Big One!

Hello world!! After reading my title, you may be asking, "A big what? A big book? A big celebration? A big change?" Well, the answer is yes to all three of them. My blog anniversary was on Tuesday, and in a small post on that  day I said I would review a book no later than Friday...that was a typo, I meant to say Sunday, but my fingers got muddled. But you'll understand why soon enough. The big change is that after one year of having my picture in the "about me" thing you probably know nothing about because I'm pretty sure I removed it from the site three penguins, it is now pages 484-5 of War in Peace in honor of...

So, I just finished this book called War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy, I can't remember who translated it from Russian to English because their names are all Russian-y and hard to pronounce. But they are great translators, they had nice little notes, historical index, and more! But as I was saying; you probably forgive me now for not posting in a long time, don't you? I mean, sheesh, that book is 1215 pages!! That's twice as long as anything I've ever attempted before! So in all fairness, I deserved all that extra time between posts and therefore you cannot blame me. Okay, Amazon link.

Summary: So this book is all about the Napoleonic wars in the early 18 hundreds and how they affected some wealthy families around that time period. Specifically, Prince Andrei, obviously a prince, Pierre, an illegitimate child, and Natasha, a young girl who slightly resembles a butterfly and with whom everyone seem to be in love. And then there's like, 60 pages of contemplating history and freedom and necessity and what power is that would probably fit better in the non-fiction isle, but sadly took up three hours I could have used enjoying the delightful tale of Nikolai in the war, but...wait, that's for the next paragraph.

Review: Some parts of this book was terribly boring and I found myself more interesting in my surrounding, which are completely uninteresting and haven't change in a while, than what I was reading. But, other parts, oh là là! Other parts were so utterly fabulous that I was yelling at the characters and sweating a little bit! Then  there was this third group of parts that were just like, "Uhhh...can we get back to Andrei, please?" because it was all philosophical and, while I really enjoyed the new stuff I learned about power and cause and effect, I really wanted to get back to the soirees and battles and don't-open-the-closet-doors. Okay, there were no don't-open-the-closet-doors but there were some pretty intense moments. 

Words to the Characters:

Natasha: I like you better when you are free and single and happy!

Pierre: You realize you were, like, 30 years old when she was a baby right? Gross.

Andrei: Remember what I said to Pierre, transcribe that here.

Nikolai: I understand your choice and all...but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Okay, glad that book is over. I am now an accomplished reader. And don't worry: You won't have to wait two weeks for the next post!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Mini Non-Post.

Hello everyone!! This is a mini-post just to say that It's my blog anniversary today!! Huray!! We'll celebrate soon, I'm still working on a book!! So just be ready for a big huge post maybe tomorrow, but no later than Friday!! I also would like to thank my regular readers for giving me over 1850 pageviews from around 40 different countries! Thank you! Only 497 pages left...

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx 
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

No, Thanks, I Just Ate.

Hello world!! Guess who! Me, that's who! Bet you didn't see that coming! <- I wrote that four days ago, which means I've been terribly bad, and you must hate the very chair I sit on. But, I've been bad for a good reason, I've been reading a very tough book, writing a very nice little story, and playing with mathematical toys. But back to reading, in a writing abotu reading sort of way.

So, four or five days ago, it's all a blur now so I can't really remember, I read this book called Feed by someone who's name I have to look up, because I can't remember that either. M.T Anderson, that's it. Apparently M.T. Stands for Matthew Tobin, which makes me think of the name Tobias, and now I have to go check the library website to see if Alliegant is in yet. No, no it's not. Continuing on with my review, you will discover that Feed is not part of a series, but does have an Amazon link. 

Summaryish: This book is all about a future where computers are in people's heads, and they're called feeds, by the way. But anyways, this guy named Titus meets this girl named Violet on the moon, and they start dating. But Violet is different from other girls, she fights the feed so no one can put her into a class or group, she wants to be un-classifiable. So she teaches Titus a lot about being different.

Review: This book was pretty okay, they're were a lot of bad words, and I didn't like that. I was also hoping that it would be an adventure, but it turned out to be a kind of romance, which wasn't very fun. But I did really like the style, the way it was written just like thoughts. It was flowing and easy and a little hypnotic, disturbed only by the bad words. And it wasn't like it was entirely a romance, there was a lot of interesting stuff going on too. So all-in-all it was a pretty great book. It was also great how it made you question things like "Where is technology going?" "Is it really a good thing that we're upgrading so fast?" "What would happen if computers really did replace memories?" Recap: I didn't like the bad words, and I didn't like the romance, but there was a lot of great stuff and though provoking underlying questions that I really enjoyed.

Words to the Characters:

Titus: I thought it was really nice how you went back.

Violet: If you knew what was going to happen, would you have still done it?

Okay, I'm finished. Finally! It took me five days to write this! This will also be my last post for a really long while, I'm reading a toughy. But I only have 1,111 pages left! Hey, that's four ones. Moving right along! 

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Anonymous -- This One's For You.

Hey world! Me again! With two books to review! But I might not actually review two books, I might save the second book for tomorrow when I'm faced with doing something boring versus bringing a little color to the internet. That was a reference to how colorful my posts are, but I guess you got that. Yeah, I explain my jokes. 

So, there was this one day when I reviewed a book called The 13th Tribe by Robert Liparulo, and I got my first ever request. This is the fulfillment of that request. A long time ago, I wrote a vow and took it, and in that vow was "I will read all request, unless I Google them and they turn out to be full of swearing and general bad stuff." I Googled the book that was requested to me, and it turned out to not have any bad words in it at all, and was full of general good stuff. So I read it. That book is called The Bronze Bow by Elizabeth George Speare. I know, I wondered why she had a male name as a middle name too, but just go with it. Okay, this is getting long, Amazon link or bust!! What does or bust mean?

Summaryish: This book is all about a grouchy teenager in, like, the first century who is also a blacksmith with a grudge against the Romans. When his grandma dies, it is up to him to take care of his terminally fearful younger sister. But, when he is finally given the chance to fight back against the Romans, he must decide between doing what he has longed to do for basically his whole life, or following the strange teaching of a new teacher in the next town over - love your enemies. 

Review: Historical fiction is normally, like, forth on my list of genres, and I doubt I would have picked up this aged looking book without the helpful hint of my new friend Anonymous. But I am so glad that Anonymous recommended it! Thank you Anonymous! This book was fabulous! It wasn't action in the A-mountain-just-fell-down-in-front-of-us,-and-right-in-the-middle-of-our-high-speed-car-chase-too!-What-a-bummer! but in the, Oh-my-snap-what-is-he-going-to-do-the-suspense-is-driving-me-crazy! kind of way. I liked the way it seemed kind of smooth, like you could read the whole thing without taking a breath.

Words to the Characters:

Daniel: I think you should turn that scowl upside down!!! I don't like scowly people. Especially when they're the protagonists. 

Thacia:  I so knew it! From the very second I met you, I totally knew it!

Okay, that's all. I've decided to wait until tomorrow for the next one. Bye!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Cloral Is The New Sea World.

Hello there world! It's been a really long time!! I was going to save this post until I had two books to review, but due to circumstances out of my control, my schedule got all messed up. And when I realized I couldn't remember for positively sure when I finished this book, I decided it was just time to break down and review it without a second one to follow it. So here I am!

So, I believe I have already stated that I do not remember when I finished this book, but it was most certainly recently. Recently or not, the book is still called The Lost City of Faar by D.J. MacHale. This is the second book in a series of ten, plus a companion trilogy, all with the common least common denominator of "Pendragon." I reviewed the first book in the series not too long ago, right here in fact.  Last thing of the paragraph, the lovely and prestigious Amazon link. 

Summaryish: The second adventure of Bobby Pendragon begins on the oceanic world, Cloral. And by oceanic, I mean there is no landmass any where. At all. Zip. Zero. Nada. Just floating cities made with advanced water-based technology. He hangs out for a while, having a good time and generally forgetting the dreaded turning point is coming. But, when mysterious deaths start popping up everywhere, and all evidence leads to Saint Dane messing with the crops...well, things get less fun for him and more fun for me really fast. The only way they can save the populations of the beautiful sea-world-to-the-extreme land of Cloral lies with the lost city of Faar, which is pretty much our Atlantis. And I don't mean an island resort with amazing-looking commercials, I'm talking about the actual sunken city that no one can seem to locate. Of course, I know where it is, but I'm not telling.

Review: If it's possible, this book was better than the first. I guess Mr. MacHale was a little worried about starting a new series, and that's why he told and didn't show, but now he's used to it, and the book is so much better for it! In fact, I was reading it to one of my housemates and said housemate threatened to go to the library without me to get the next book because this particular housemate cannot stand the suspense. I have lots of experience dealing with the long, sleepless hours of waiting for the next book in a series, but even I, seasoned series veteran that I am, wanted to jump in the car with my new Pendragon buddy and make an emergency visit to the library. I haven't felt this strongly about a series in a long time. In fact, only a few series books kept me up at night. Artemis Fowl, I Am Number Four, Human.4, and the 39 Clues. All the other series books in my life were simply obsessively checking authors' websites hoping for an update. but back to my review: All in all, fabulous book full of adventure and intrigue and suspense and mystery and heart-stopping action that leaves you screaming "No! Don't do it!! Don't open that door!" Or in this case, stand in front of that flume. But I'll leave explaining that mysterious sentence to the author. 

Words to the Characters:

Bobby: You know, I wondered that, and my Pendragon buddy wondered that, but you just...didn't. Odd.

Everyone else: I'd say something to y'all, but I think this post is getting too long.

Okay, that's all! Bye bye! See you next time for something at least one person will be exited about!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

How Did She Last So Long Without Opening The Box? The Curiosity Would Have Driven Me Crazy.

Hello world!! It's been a while! It's not my fault though, I blame global warming. If it weren't for global warming, this post would have happened ages ago. It's just the gradual heating of the Earth's surface prevented me. Global warming is mean like that. But since I'm finally here, it is time to review a book.

So, I just finished this book called Doomed by Tracy Deebs. And, OH MY GOSH!!!! So, close to the end of the book, I was like "Day six? That means it absolutely MUST be a series so it can go all the way to day 10!" But, alas, the book ended with a ringing finality. BUT the good news is, Tracy's website says that it's a series!!!!! Eep! So, it's book 1 in the Pandora series. Speaking of websites, she's got a pretty nice one, but not as nice as Amazon! 

Summaryish: This book is all about this girl named Pandora. Her daddy has been gone for like, ten years, when out of the blue she receives an e-mail from him on her 17th birthday. Things really go down hill from there, because opening that e-mail has released a cyberworm that is quickly taking over the world, shutting down electricity, and even making its way into nuclear warheads cooling systems. The worm is also proclaiming that total annihilation will be in ten days. Unless you can beat the game. Pandora's Box is a popular video game in this world, and that's where the worm has made its lair. If Pandora can unlock the secrets of her memories, she'll be able to save the world. But figuring out the mysteries of long lost memories is harder than it sounds. 

Review: Wow snap, that was fabulous! Ms. Deebs is a master of plot twists! I love how she doesn't give away the whole plot in the first couple of pages like so many authors do. Throughout the whole book, she's bringing in new and unexpected dangers and excitement. This book is like a combination of all things awesome. It has cyber-stuff, car chases, cool gunfights, and other stuff that starts with C. I mean, when I was reading this, I had to stare at my wall on several occasions to catch my breath. My wall really needs to be repainted, by the way. Anyways, it's really intense and fantastic in every way imaginable. Except it was too short. But here's great news: There's a chapter break exactly halfway through the novel! I love it when that happens!

Words to the Characters:

Pandora: Is it just me, or do you have way too many panic attacks? You're having a breakdown every few pages. That's one way to get the guys to stop treating you like a damsel in distress, I guess. That was an attempt at sarcasm, I don't think it went very well, so I'm just going to abandon my attempts at humor. 

Theo: There's someone you remind me of...Fang, I think, but he never lived up to his silent demeanor, he was chatty for a quiet guy. You, on the other hand, rock the unbreakable countenance. 

Eli: A cure for that would be DON'T CARRY A GUN!

Okay, that's all for today, see you next time for a sequel! Bye!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer. 

Hiiii-YA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello world!! Nice to see you again after, what? A day? I don't keep track of these things, that's what Google Cloud is for. Anyways, if you're wondering why I'm here talking to you, it's because I have a book to review, and I would like to do that right now. Well, when this paragraph gets long enough I will. Oh, look! It's long enough now!

So, sometime around 11:30 last night I read the final sentence of Stormbreaker by my dear friend, Anthony Horowitz. I looked at the clock, then stared at the last words for a moment, wondering what was going to happen next and decided then and there that I would complete the Alex Rider series if it killed me, and it just might. I could get hit by a stray bullet, who knows? Random fact: this book was made into a movie! So it's not that random after all, but it's still a fact. Lastly: Amazon link. (Hurray, it's working this time!)

Summaryish: When Alex Rider's uncle, Ian, is killed in a car accident, Alex becomes suspicious about the cause of death and sets off to find out the real reason on his own. A short while later, he discovers that his uncle was in fact a spy for the British intelligence agency, MI6, and Ian has passed the baton to Alex. Alex reluctantly picks up the aforementioned passed baton and goes undercover to find out the mystery behind the Stormbreaker computers being gifted to school all around England by a possibly generous most likely revenge-driven dangerous psychotic Egyptian. Is it just me, or when you see MI6 the Mission Impossible theme song instantly comes to mind? 

Review: This book was great! It had action adventure, intrigue, mystery and just enough foreshadowing/suspense to keep you going. But, it was a little short on description and made me feel like I was reading a children's book carefully worded so the young one does not come across any difficult words that could bother the child's mother with constant inquiries about various definitions and pronunciations. But, overall, it was an easy-quick-nice read that I enjoyed. It would be a great book to read after reading something like, say, anything by Tolstoy or Shakespeare. It's a great no-thinking-required novel. 

Words to the Characters:

Alex: I don't get why you were reluctant, it sounds like a great adventure to me!

Mr. Grin: Wow. Creepy/cool. 

Okay, finished here, bye now!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

A Shocking Deviation From The Trodden Path.

Surprise! This is my first ever non-post that wasn't a Wow. Just Wow. What are you talking about Xxxxxx? You may be asking. Well, it's complicated, but I did not finish this book. I've only ever not finished a book twice before, and I didn't tell you about those, so this is a big deal. I would be neglecting the duties of the Sacred Order of the Blogger if I did not warn you away from this book. This is where it get's difficult. The author, Jeyn Roberts, writes well. The book, Dark Inside, is not a "bad" book. It's a bad for you book. This novel is the stuff of potential nightmare, and I read James Dashner and Robert Liparulo, and sometimes  Susan Beth Pfeffer, who find it entertaining to throw dead bodies around. But those book have hope and love and happy endings. This book may have a happy ending, I don't know - I didn't finish it. But I gave this book a fair chance, 167 pages, before I finally said enough. A meaningless story of murder and fear and hatred is not a book I want to read. Good day.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Flume Is The New Swoosh.

Hey world! It's me again! You're probably mad at me because I keep forgetting to review this book, and it's been like three days. But I'm here now, and that's what is important. I've run out of things to say, but this paragraph is so skimpy. So I'm just going to ramble on and on until I feel I have reached minimum longitude for an introductory paragraph. La da dee la da doo la da dum. Okay, we're good.

So, like a really long time ago, I finished this book called The Merchant of Death by D.J. MacHale. This is the first book in a long series of books filed under Pendragon. Oh, and just so you know, something's up, so no Amazon link today. Boooo! I know, that's usually the highlight of this paragraph. Not the title of the book, not the author's name, and we don't get it today. It's a disastrophe of epic proportions, but we'll get through it together. Bad Google Chrome, how dare you deny us our Amazon links!!!!!!!!

Summaryish: This book is all about this average guy. But, of course, he doesn't stay average for long, or else there would be no story. What occurs to make the story is that the average guy, Bobby Pendragon, becomes not so average when he discovers he is a Traveler and he flumes between worlds to help those in need, with his Uncle Press as his mentor. In this, the first chronicle of his epic life, he must help these miner/slaves on the world Denduron escape from their captivity without blowing everybody up. 

Review: At first, I was all like "Erm...bleh." which means it smelled bad, and by that I mean the author had an issue with telling and not showing. But then, I got all used to it and was sucked into the story like rabid octopi into a black hole. I will admit, that didn't make much sense, but it's still meaningful.So, after being like a hydrophobic octopus whirling around in a vortex, I realized that this will be a great series to replace Maximum Ride, and maybe this one won't turn into a romance. It's a pretty long series, like ten books, and I think there might be a companion series, but they might just be books from the same publisher and author and cover designer shelved together...So I'm looking forward to continuing, and have no qualms about recommending this book to any and all science fiction fans willing to get over the tell not show hump and into the wonderful story below. 

Words to the Characters:

Bobby: Fluming sounds fun, maybe I'm a Traveler and can come with you!! 

Loor: Sorry.

Mark: You're a great friend, keep it up.

Okay, that's all. Get out of here! I'm kidding, you know I would neer kick you out, you can stay as long as you would like. Bye!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

Can't Hold On Any Longer, And Now These Guys Are Falling For You...Right Out Of The Sky, In Fact.

Hello world!! Yup, I'm back!! I found the time to review the second book!! Woo! Umm...what else is there to say? I'll just skip down to reviewing, then, since I can't think of anything.

So, about yesterday I finished reading this book called Nevermore by James Patterson. This one is the last book in the Maximum Ride series! I've reviewed this entire series on my blog! Woo! Yay! Celebrate! Here's the link to the one that comes right before this one, from there you'll find links to the other ones if you want to see what I thought of them. And last link of the paragraph, the Amazon link! Few, that was a bunch of links! 

Summaryish: In the final adventure of Maximum Ride, it's the end of the world that Max was charged with saving. Not nearing the end, like it has been for the past seven books, but the end. And the possibility that she may not save the world is growing more and more probable. Plus, it's time for Max to make her final decision between Dylan and Fang. 

Review: I have to admit, this has been a great series that has filled my days and nights with excitement and adventure and all sorts of fun stuff, plus comedy! But, towards the end, and especially super duper in this book, it's turned into more of a romance than and action adventure. I mean, sheesh, more Erasers, less kissing, please. But hey, if you ignore those parts, all 50 pages of it would be great!!!! I also liked how the ending didn't leave you feeling exactly finished. There are still some unanswered questions, unsolved mysteries, it could really go either way, so bravo for that! My official opinion of this entire series was that it was better at the beginning and towards the end got a little...oi veh. Is oi veh even an adjective? I don't know.

Words to the Characters:

Max: I can't think of anything to say to you, sorry.

Dylan: Loyalty is a very nice thing to have. 

Fang: Okay, one thing I don't like about you: That thing with Maya happened and then you just come crawling back to Max? Sheesh, man. Not cool. Also, from the beginning of this series, Max has been saying that you are quiet and don't talk much, but I think you talk more than Nudge, Iggy, Gazzy and Angel combined. Hmm. Weird.

Okay, that's all! Bye! Join me next time for something I thought had to do with King Arthur but is interdimensional travel instead!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

And Now We Know How It Sunk Into The Ocean.

Hey world!! I have two books to review today! Woo! But as you well know, that doesn't mean that two books will be reviewed today. I don't even know if THIS book will be reviewed today. I could get bored and walk away and leave this until tomorrow. But I rarely get bored when I'm blogging, I love blogging! Speaking of which, I better start doing that!!

So, A few days ago I finished this book called The Dark Shore by Kevin Emerson, who is not only an author, but a musician. Anyways, this book is book two of the Atlanteans Trilogy. The only down side of that is now I have to wait about a year for the third one. Booo! But in the meantime, I might be able to read other books about Atlantis and/or devastated future worlds. I know you've been waiting for this, so your wait is over! Without further ado, the Amazon link! You know, I go through all the trouble to get that link (four clicks is so hard!) and I doubt you ever click on it. But oh well, it's the thought that counts.

Summaryish: Warning: Do not read if you haven't read The Lost Code!! Owen, Leech, and Lily have escaped from EdenWest and are heading South to find the marker that Leech is seeing in his maps. But, when they get sidetracked at the human-sacrifice-fond Heliad-7 town, Desenna, (I hope I spelled that right) which leads to the discovery of the third Atlantean. I know, I know, I'm closely paraphrasing the jacket flap, but summaryishes are difficult! You try summing up a twisty-turny 470 page novel in 2-3 sentences!!

Review: Usually, sequels are disappointing. The always seem to be lacking something the first book had that riveted you to the pages. But not this book, this sequel was fantastic! It was like being on a roller coaster, but not those awful ones that you seem to always ride right after your hot-dog and blue slushie, it was the good kind of roller coaster that flips your hair back and goes shwwwwissshhh and it's so much fun that you ride it three times in a row before your amusement park buddy drags you off to eat a hot-dog and blue slushie that you end up depositing into a trash can after riding the awful roller coaster. How's that for a simile. Anyways, it was a great book! There were plot twists that even I didn't see coming and fabulous action that made me wrinkle the pages a little bit gripping it so hard. Actually, that's not very good since it's a library book. 

Words to the Characters:

Owen: Snap dragon, who would have thunk it? Actually me, I was always so curious about why no one seemed to be born at the same time. Did that give something away? I tried to phrase it mysteriously.

Technicians: I was so sad to see you go! I love y'all!

Lilly: Interesting. Very interesting. And after all that time thinking the opposite, too. 

Okay, first review equals over. Maybe I'll write up the second one later. Maybe not. Who knows? I sure don't, I'm a very unpredictable person.

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

This Is Like, A Ninja Book Or Something!

Hey there world! It's me again! This post has been a long time coming, but I did miss an entire night of reading because I was watching Star Trek: Into Darkness. It was so...so...beautiful. Was it worth missing a night of this book? Absolutely. Those movies don't come around too often. The one thing that bothered me was when Uhura was talking to the Klingons, she said "I am" but the Klingons don't have a word for the verb "to be" making saying "am" impossible. But I guess it was translated into English, so maybe it's okay. Anyways, book.

So, last night I  finished reading this book called The Fear Index by Robert Harris. I'm pretty sure it's not a series...but then again it very well could be. It was set up for a second one, but at the same time left me with a finished feeling, so I don't know. I hope it's a series. But anyways, you want the Amazon? Huh? You want it? You can have it! Go get it! Fetch!! Now bring it back to me...I'm kidding you can keep it. 

Summaryish: Billionaire and hedge fund owner Alex Hoffmann creates a machine that predicts the rises and falls of the Stock Market with scary accuracy...and when an intruder breaks into his house, and...well, things just kind of go down hill from there. So over the course of one madcap crazy world, he must find out who is out to destroy him and why. Don don doooon. Like my sound effect? It's new.

Review: Wow. Snap. That was amazing. It was like a roller coaster under water in the sky leading to a sky dive into a thimble of acid full of microscopic sharks and piranhas. Some of the Stock Market stuff went straight over my head, but it was so great I barely even noticed! It was thrilling and exciting and it had me guessing right until the very end! And the ending...wow. Read this book. Don't question me, just read it.

Words to the Characters:

Alex: I can't say I would have done the same things, but I probably would have acted very similarly. So you're not alone.

Gabby: Nobody likes a jumper to conclusions. Maybe you should trust your hubby?

Okay, I'm finished. I've gotta go now, see you next time for a sequel!! Eep!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.

My Tribe Is On A Different Planet.

Hey world! Sorry it's been so long! If you find a typo, it's just because my fingers are numb. I eat a lot of Popsicles. But sooner or later, I'll be able to feel my all appendages and the offending typos will cease. But then again, I usually have a bunch of typos anyway, so maybe my fingers being numb will make them go away? Who knows! Oh, and tomorrow you might find another mini-movie review before the book review because tonight...cue dramatic music...I go Into Darkness. Gotta love Star Trek. So anyways, this paragraph has gone on long enough! Long enough for my fingers to thaw out, anyway, so let's review a book!

So, I recently, and by recently I mean yesterday, I finished this book called The 13th Tribe by Robert Liparulo. And it wasn't scary! Yay! But, seriously, and by seriously I mean completely not seriously, did you really think Robert Liparulo, filed under "Author, Thriller" would write a scary book? I didn't think so. But anyways, I know you want it, so here, have an Amazon link! Oh, one more thing! I think this is part of a series, the immortal files? I'm not sure though.

Summaryish: When a group of immortals called the 13th tribe, who believe their mission in life is to kill the bad people of the world, plan their most daring plot yet, and Jagger's family gets caught in the crossfire, he must do everything in his power to stop this tribe of seemingly unkillable murderers from harming his wife and son...and from destroying an entire city. Hm. That summaryish seemed longer in my mind. Maybe my mind is large print?

Review: In the beginning, this book was terribly slow. Almost intolerably so. I kept having to check my pulse to see if I had died of boredom yet. It took me like, two days to read 50 pages. But on day three, I almost tripled my page count. Meaning, of course, that it got good. Really good. After getting over that 50 page hump, things really picked up and settled down at around 70mphs, every once in a while climbing up to 90. Although never quite reaching the speed of light, or even the speed of sound, I found myself gripping the pages and gasping at the plot twists. I can't say I'm dying for the next book, if there is one, but that doesn't mean if my book bag is feeling a little light I won't pick up a sequel. 

Words to the Characters:

Jagger and Owen: Wow snap. Did not see that coming.

Beth: Come on, fight the power!!!! I was disappointed when you just sat there and waited. Sheesh.

Okay, post over, join me next time for something about fear. Bye!

Xxxxxx X. Xxxxxx
Anonymous Book Reviewer.